Bacon Tree

Back in the frontier days, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on food.

No other humans had been seen for days, when finally they saw an “Old Jewish Man” sitting beneath a tree. The leader rushed to him and said, “We’re lost and running out of food. Is there someplace ahead where we can get food?

“Vell,” the old Jew said, “I vouldn’t go up dat hill und down other side. Somevun told me you’ll run into a big bacon tree.”

“A bacon tree?” asked the wagon train leader.

“Yah, ah bacon tree. Trust me. For nuttin vud I lie.”

The leader goes back and tells his people that if nothing else, they might be able to find food on the other side of the next ridge.

“So why did he say not to go there?” some of the pioneers asked.

“Oh, you know those Jews — they don’t eat bacon.”

So the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side. Suddenly, Indians attack and massacre everyone except the leader, who barely manages to escape back to the old Jew, who’s enjoying a “glassel tea.”

The near-dead man starts shouting, “You fool! You sent us to our deaths! We followed your instructions, but there was no bacon tree! There was hundreds of Indians, who killed everyone.”

The old Jew holds up his hand and says “Oy, vait a minute.” He then gets out an old English-Yiddish dictionary, and begins thumbing through it. “Gevalt, I made myself ah big mistake. It vuz not a bacon tree.

It vuz a ham bush!”